Green Reflections

I wrote this post about 3 years ago, but never posted it. It feels timely now. Although I'm not vegetarian anymore as I dabble here and there, I still find this post holds pretty true for me.

No recipe this post, more like a reflection and some thoughts on my food choices.

It's sometimes hard to believe that growing up, I was the chubby kid. I was usually always the tallest in my class, but I also had a good share of spare tire. I've always had a pretty good appetite, and if it was good, I tended to eat it, sometimes I had to be coaxed by a persistent grandmother though. Once I started stretching out, my waist disappeared, my cheeks lost their fluff and I went from being chubby and plump to a very tall skinny guy. What I've learned over the years about food is that just like anything in life, it can be a very personal experience and should be about self discovery.

I think there's a lot of truth in the saying "you are what you eat," especially if you help cultivate and nourish what you will consume. Since your body is the only one you have, it makes a ton of sense to me to invest much time and effort in learning about all the many things that you could potentially consume. Growing your own food really makes you rethink your food (and by extension your life) choices and I believe brings about a more beneficial outcome.

I was always exposed to plants as food growing up. Coming from a rich Mexican tradition and having a family who used plants for all sorts of things, I've never really been too distant from my connections to nature. But because I was born into the modern world, and especially because I was born in the U.S. at the time, I was taught by many people outside of my grandmother's house that herbs were witchery, were not effective, and that you could never really "know" nature and what you are in a deeper sense. I'm glad I never truly bought in to all of this, and it's likely that because of my interest in plants and nature, the knowledge from my ancestors will be passed down in its own way.

When I first started getting serious about plants, I very much took the approach that modern science tells you to take. I read books upon books and lists of uses for all sorts of plants and their potential uses for all sorts of ailments. The information was overwhelming, and I often wondered why we had decided to classify everything to death and why things always had to be specific and were very rarely integrated with other disciplines. I was a product of my time, and it would take years of discovering myself and staying true to my convictions to realize something profound about nature: nature does not follow human rules because we tell it to, nature will have its way with us, and you choose to enjoy it or not. That sounds a bit more deterministic and fatalist than it actually is, but the truth of the matter is that when it comes to nature, there is no us and them, and so things like free will can and do exist while at the same time you are an organism influenced greatly by the ebbs and flows around you.

I thought, silly me, when I first started growing plants that I would somehow have to read so much, follow others advice, and be some sort of plant specialist in order to "get it right." I was still stuck in the frame of mind that experts and specialists will always know more than you. I still hadn't learned how to use all that information, but to also learn how to trust your gut and your own experiences, the most important thing.

I started growing plants because I was confused with my life and felt like something was missing. Initially, I thought I would have to learn so much, and read so much material in order to be good at growing plants. What I hadn't expected, but had sort of felt all along, was that the plants would be the ones teaching me. Then after gaining trust, we would begin to nourish each other.

It is very difficult for me now to conceptualize the thoughts I used to have about plants. Things like all leaves looking similar, plants are not all that extraordinary nor are they as smart as us, and plants are not that essential to our well being. I can't imagine now that I used to at least agree with these ideas to some extent, especially since now I very much feel like a plant.

When I finally made the decision to be vegetarian "for real" this time, it was based on a strong desire to not kill animals. Now however, I feel staying vegetarian and learning so much about the plants I put in my body every day has helped me realize that life and death are not ends of a spectrum, but part of an endless cycle of being. After all, plants must "die" in order to feed me. But as I watched my watermelon grow day by day, as I saw mint burst out of a huge pot I had though it had died in, and as I planted my first chile plant here, I began to think differently about plants. Those tiny seedlings would become these bigger organisms that would help feed me, and I would help nourish them. I would take their fruit, and in exchange I would provide water and access to sunlight for these beings I cared for.

This is the first year I have started growing edible plants from seeds I saved and been successful. Most of them are chile peppers, but I also sprouted 2 pumpkin plants from seeds I had saved. The rest of the many plants I care for were already saplings I bought at the local farmer's coop. Tomorrow I'm supposed to receive a cucumber plant from one of my schools too, and I'm going to give them a red pepper plant.

As I reflect on my love for plants over the years and who I have become, I can't help but think that this whole time the plants have been watching me. That it is not I who have exactly cultivated them, but they are the ones who have cultivated me. It makes sense, them knowing this about me. After all, I love to grow plants, and cultivating someone like me would be evolutionary beneficial for the spread of seed and plant production. In return, I get a world of beautiful dreams and colors, delicious fruits and vegetables, and clean air. After all, the plants know that if they help keep me healthy, I help them produce, and everyone benefits from that relationship. I'm not sure what my next step in life may be, but I've learned how to trust and believe in nature. The plants always provide, and it's the simple things in life that tend to be the most complexly beautiful. I find plants to be one of the most beautiful things I know.